


Lost and Found

by Frenchibi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ...and lots of smiling Iwa-chan, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pining Oikawa Tooru
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:51:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frenchibi/pseuds/Frenchibi
Summary: For a second, Tooru lets himself picture what it would be like if he smiled at his best friend the way she is smiling right now. (Only, you know... less... politely confused. Tooru would smile with purpose. Tooru would smile with honesty, with all his feelings and without having to be afraid of getting punched in the ribs.)...only he would. Get punched, that is. Probably.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [joanofarcticmonkeys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/joanofarcticmonkeys/gifts).



> For Taera, who wanted jealous Oikawa - I guess it sort of became pining Oikawa instead :') I hope you like it anyway - and good luck with your studies, you know I'm cheering you on :D If a little fic is all it takes to motivate you, then I'm RIGHT HERE FRIEND :D
> 
> ((please forgive the style, I keep experimenting and I wrote this in one sitting in 4 hours so I don't even know anymore))

The thing about Hajime is... he's too nice.

Not in the sense that he's overly affectionate - not at all, he's kind of brutish and Tooru constantly reminds him of that fact, completely disregarding the possibility that the reason Hajime is so mean to him is because he keeps bringing it up.

The thing is, though... Hajime isn't like that with everyone. He may knock Tooru over the back of his head with a textbook or a volleyball (whichever is closer) practically once a day, and join Takahiro and Issei when they tease him (which is really rude, by the way) - but if he's approached by someone in class, or by a teacher, or by an old lady carrying two heavy-looking shopping bags, Hajime blooms into this incredible, kind, helpful super-being and Tooru isn't sure how to handle that.

He's not jealous, he tells himself, as he watches Hajime chat amicably with Mrs. Yamamoto from two blocks down, her arm hooked into his elbow and her two grocery bags hanging off his other arm like they weigh nothing at all. He's not jealous of a near-80-year-old woman who gets to smile up into Hajime's face and receive a smile in return.

For a second, Tooru lets himself picture what it would be like if he smiled at his best friend the way she is smiling right now. (Only, you know... less... politely confused. Tooru would smile with purpose. Tooru would smile with honesty, with all his feelings and without having to be afraid of getting punched in the ribs.)

...only he would. Get punched, that is. Probably.

Realistically speaking, Hajime would narrow his eyes at him and ask him what he's grinning about. And Tooru would make up some stupid, petty excuse, like "I feel like we're gonna crush Tobio-chan soon," at which Hajime would scowl and tell him that he has a terrible personality... or Tooru would slip up and desperately try to fix it, as in: "You're so pretty, Iwa-chan," and then "...I bet all the hedgehogs are crazy for that scowl." And _then_ he'd get punched. And if he's lucky, Hajime would grumble to himself but wouldn't push Tooru off when he drapes himself over him as they keep walking, and Tooru would consider that a win.

(And if he sees Hajime smile later, that small, barely-there smile that he sometimes gets when he thinks no one is looking - Tooru is always, always looking - then Tooru will commit it to memory. Even if it's probably only because he's satisfied with having landed a good punch. Hajime is weirdly intense about these things.)

In all fairness, Tooru knows Hajime would never hurt him. Not really. Tooru knows that under the gruffness, the brash replies he gives him and the endless barrage of "Shittykawa," Hajime is always careful not to go too far. He knows, because it's happened, and he'll never forget the look on Hajime's face when he realized that he'd actually hurt him.

He'd been weird, after that. Standing way too far away, always making sure to busy his hands when Tooru came close, and shrinking away in shock when Tooru put his hand on Hajime's arm.

Of course Tooru didn't let him get away with it. They were in middle school then, and Tooru had desperately wanted a change in the way Hajime treated him, but not like this. He'd take the punches and the insults over a fear of contact any day. So he'd lectured him (way too long and way too detailed), and when he'd finished, Hajime had given him a blank look, and then a punch (too soft, still, too careful) to his shoulder. "I get it, idiot. I'm still sorry."

Tooru had shrugged. "S'ok, Iwa-chan. I always knew you were brutishly strong!"

Hajime had raised his eyebrows, a small smirk making its way across his face. "Oh, I'll make sure you know just how strong I am. Come here!"

And he'd caught an unsuspecting Tooru in headlock and his screams of "Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, have _mercy_ " had soon divulged into laughter.

Still, since then, none of Hajime's punches have ever hurt him. Sure, there's the little emotional sting that comes with them, but there's also this strange sense of comfort that he gets whenever Hajime is close enough to touch him, and whenever Tooru's (admittedly) over-the-top antics provoke him enough to get physical.

Tooru has come to terms with the fact that this is how things are. That he has to catalogue Hajime's smiles and bend over backwards to get one for himself that lasts longer than a second, while Hajime gives them out freely to basically anyone else.

Maybe he's exaggerating a bit, Tooru thinks, as he trudges along the sidewalk behind the odd couple. (Mrs. Yamamoto is telling a story about her cat, and how she almost knocked over an antique vase. Tooru isn't listening, but he knows, because as soon as he hears the words "Hime did this crazy thing the other day," he knows he can tune out. He's been told this story several times already; Mrs. Yamamoto likes recounting it like it was yesterday when really, it must have been over a year by now. Tooru guesses that her life really isn't that eventful. Still- Hajime is nodding and smiling at her.)

Yeah, maybe he isn't giving Hajime enough credit.They're best friends, after all. Tooru knows Hajime is comfortable around him. Ultimately, he always gets a good laugh from their lunch breaks with Takahiro and Issei, too, and he knows Hajime wouldn't leave him out, or push him away, not really. Tooru just wishes, sometimes, that he wouldn't hide his affection under put-on annoyance.

Maybe Hajime really _is_ annoyed, sometimes, and Tooru is usually pretty good at telling the difference, just - sometimes he's not sure.

And whenever he's not sure, he'll try the smiling thing again in the hopes that Hajime will read his mind and understand that Tooru just wants reassurance.

Tooru is focused on the ground in front of him, trying not to look at Hajime too much, but when Hajime turns his head and shoots him a glance, Tooru is right there to meet him on instinct.

The smile slides off Hajime's face ( _stay, stay, please-_ ) and he scowls at him. "Keep up, Shittykawa! Stop daydreaming, you'll end up hurting yourself and I'm not carrying you home."

Mrs. Yamamoto lets out an amused chuckle, and Hajime's attention returns to her, after his gaze lingers on Tooru's pout for a second.

Something's changed, just a little - it's subtle, but Tooru knows where to look. There's a strain in Hajime's smile now, and Tooru feels guilty, for some reason.

They drop Mrs. Yamamoto off at her door, Tooru hanging back a little as she honest-to-god pinches Hajime's cheek and tells him that he's a good kid. She also (as always) invites them in to meet Hime, which Hajime mercifully declines before Tooru can even open his mouth in protest.

The walk back to their own houses, sitting side by side a little further down the road, is mostly silent as Tooru withstands the urge to tease Hajime about the cheek thing, and Hajime seems lost in thought. _You'll end up hurting yourself and I'm not carrying you home_ , Tooru thinks with a smirk. The silence isn't exactly heavy, but it feels sort of thick. Or maybe that's just Tooru's imagination, because when they reach the Iwaizumi garden fence, Hajime turns to face him with a small tilt of his head.

"Mine or yours?" he asks, and Tooru can't help the way his face lights up.

"Nee-chan's making curry tonight," he says, and Hajime blinks.

"...my place it is," he says, deadpan, and Tooru lets out a little laugh.

"We'd better go quick - if she sees us, she'll make us eat it for sure," he says, casually taking hold of Hajime's sleeve and pulling him towards the gate. (It's all he dares to do, really.)

Hajime rolls his eyes, but he's not jerking his hand away. He exhales, and Tooru can hear the smile, though he's too nervous to look back at him. It's enough, though, he thinks. Maybe.

(It's not.)

(When they get caught by Miyu, though - and of course they do, she's got eyes like a hawk, out the kitchen window - Hajime bites the bullet with him. He could have easily used his family as an excuse to get out of it, but he doesn't, and that's definitely enough to make that day a good one. And the small, pained sort of smile Hajime shoots him across the table as they're forcing down their meals is definitely worth it.)

~

Tooru wishes the thoughts about Hajime's smile would go away, but they don't.

The next time he's made painfully aware of the fact that this is still a thing that bothers him is when Hajime gets a confession. (...because of _course_ it is.)

It's not like this is a particularly rare occurrence - especially since the start of their third year, Tooru has been a reluctant witness to the fact that girls are starting to notice what a good guy his best friend is. Mainly probably because of the smiling, and Tooru isn't bitter. Not at all.

The first time it happened, Tooru had teased Hajime relentlessly - until they got home (Hajime's, that day) and Mrs. Iwaizumi had asked how their day had gone. Tooru had blurted the confession thing out in an attempt to embarrass Hajime, but his plan had brutally backfired.

"Iwa-chan got a _confession_ today, Kaa-san," he'd said, and her eyes had widened. They'd both looked to Hajime- and Tooru's heart might have stopped, because Hajime was rubbing the back of his neck looking _bashful_ , and sort of really pleased?

Tooru had listened to him tell his mother that "I'm too busy with volleyball, we wanna go to Nationals this year!" (Throwing Tooru a glance at the "we" that left him sort of breathless), and that he has no time for a girlfriend. Mrs. Iwaizumi had looked at them, from one to the other, and lingered on Tooru just a little longer. "I see," she'd said, and Tooru had felt strangely... caught.

Truthfully, while he could probably deny the sting he'd felt at Hajime's small smile (on behalf of Haruka-chan, who wasn't even that great, honestly), Tooru couldn't help but be flooded with relief once Hajime had clarified that he was not, in fact, interested in finding a girlfriend.

That was probably when Tooru had realized that maybe he had a problem.

Said problem is very, very evident now, as he watches Hajime get up from his chair in Takahiro's classroom, where they've gathered for lunch, to follow a tiny, dainty girl (hair in a messy bun, confession letter slightly crumpled in her trembling hands) outside.

Tooru is tempted to call after him, something like "don't scare her off with that face of yours," or something, but his voice is kind of gone. Also he can't help but notice, again, that Hajime is _smiling_ when he agrees to hear her out. Smiling. And judging by the girl's (Teru-chan's, Tooru thinks, if he remembers right) starstruck expression, it's one of the good ones, too.

Ah, hell.

His discomfort must show on his face (as always) because Issei raises his eyebrows at him, and Takahiro grins slyly.

Sometimes Tooru wishes he'd made different friends.

~

It takes Hajime pretty long to come back after he leaves with Teru - so long that Tooru's mind has had time to fall into the deep, dark pit that is _what if he said yes_.

The thing is, he realizes with a jolt, that there is no more volleyball this year. It's over. They lost.

And maybe Tooru is about to lose something else, too, something much more important than volleyball. (It is, he realizes, it really is.)

Because sure, he'll always have Hajime's company, and he's positive that no matter what happens, they'll be part of each other's lives - but what if Hajime _does_ get a girlfriend? What if someone else becomes the most important person in Hajime's life?

And suddenly it's hard to breathe, and Tooru needs to leave, right now.

But of course, just as he's mumbled an excuse to Takahiro and Issei and stood up from his own chair, the door to the classroom slides open and Hajime comes back inside.

His hands are empty.

He's not carrying the letter.

Tooru is pretty sure Hajime must notice his relief. He says nothing as he takes his seat beside the other three again, and the bell rings soon after, forcing them to separate. ("I'd ditch algebra for you guys," Takahiro says, but Hajime just rolls his eyes. "No dice, I'm not missing chem. Sorry, 'hiro.")

They part ways, and Tooru doesn't get a chance to talk to Hajime (or avoid it, he's not really sure what he wants to do right now) until the bell rings and they meet up to walk to practice together.

To Tooru's utter surprise, Hajime doesn't immediately follow him when he starts out towards the gym.

"Iwa-chan...?" he asks, turning back after walking several feet and realizing that Hajime is still standing where he's left him.

"Hey, uhm- d'you wanna go somewhere?" Hajime asks, not quite meeting his gaze.

"What, like right now?"

Hajime nods, and Tooru's eyes widen.

"...you wanna skip practice?"

Hajime shrugs. "We haven't been to that new ice cream place yet. And... it's not like they need us around. Besides, you should be resting your knee anyway."

Tooru blinks several times, processing. (Sort of. _What?_ )

After several seconds of silence, Hajime sighs. "It's not that weird."

Tooru kneads his lip between his teeth. "It is kind of weird, Iwa-chan. You don't like skipping practice."

"So?"

Tooru watches him for a moment, but he can't figure him out. Finally, he says "okay, fine."

Because really... why not. And he's always glad to spend more time with his best friend.

~

Hajime pays for his ice cream, and Tooru's stomach is churning uncomfortably as they're sitting opposite each other in delicate chairs, an ornate bowl in front of each of them.

 _This is almost like a date_ , Tooru's brain supplies helpfully. Tooru wishes it would shut the fuck up.

"So," he says, leaning back in an attempt to look relaxed. "Teru-chan, huh? You were gone pretty long, I was sure you were gonna accept her confession, Iwa-chan."

To Tooru's surprise, Hajime's movements slow, and he looks up to meet his gaze. He'd been expecting some teasing remark, a joke, a change of subject. Instead, Hajime swallows and exhales. "I thought about it," he says, and Tooru feels his world shatter around him.

It shouldn't hurt this much, to hear that Hajime is considering a relationship ( ~~with someone that isn't him~~ ). He's perfectly entitled to. Hell, Tooru has dated, and Hajime didn't bat an eye. So why does it feel like someone's reached into Tooru's chest and dug out his heart with long, claw-like fingernails, tearing it open at the edges, leaving deep, throbbing scars?

He takes a breath, praying that it doesn't sound as wrecked as he feels.

"...yeah?" he asks, feeling small, pathetic and wounded.

“Mmh,” Hajime says, fixing his gaze on the tabletop instead. “You know, because…” he waves his hand a little, “we’re not so busy with volleyball anymore. And… I don’t know. She was kind of… cute.”

Tooru figures that this is what it feels like to get stabbed in the chest.

Hajime glances at him, and his brow furrows ever so slightly. He’s always been too good at reading him, really.

“But, you know…”

Tooru swallows the emotions that are getting dangerously close to the surface, stubbornly staring at Hajime’s chin so he doesn’t have to look into his eyes. “Hm?”

Hajime sighs again, and he’s rubbing the back of his neck, like that day in front of his mom.

“I still wouldn’t have room for her,” he says, but his voice has gone quiet.

 _Room_ , Tooru thinks. Not time. Room.

“...how- how do you mean?”

Hajime shrugs a little. “...’cause… well. Even if- even if we’re not playing anymore, we still go to practice and stuff, right? And once that’s over, I know you’re still gonna nag me to go to the park and practice more with you, because you’re gonna want to go pro, right? And- and then I thought, you know-”

(Tooru doesn’t.)

“But Iwa-chan - you shouldn’t turn down a nice girl just because I want you to practice with me.”

He hates how his voice nearly breaks at the end, and he snaps his mouth shut.

“That’s not- that’s not it,” Hajime says, sounding almost frustrated. “That’s not-”

He puts down his spoon next to his mostly uneaten ice cream dish and bites his lip.

“Volleyball’s not what was stopping me from dating anyone,” he says finally.

Another option pops up in Tooru’s mind, and he wishes he’d learned how to shut up. “...is she going to a different college?”

Hajime shrugs, almost caught off guard. “I didn’t ask.”

“...oh.”

“But I thought about… what it’d be like to date her, and… it wouldn’t work.”

Tooru blinks.

“...why not?”

Hajime shoots him a look that’s so guarded, Tooru has no idea what he’s thinking. It makes him more nervous than he’d like to admit.

And then-

And then Hajime smiles.

It’s faint, one of the ones that’s more in the eyes than anywhere else, one of the ones that’s hardest to catch unless you’re looking for it. A tiny twitch of the mouth, a softness that takes over all of Hajime’s face and makes Tooru glad that he’s already seated, because his knees are definitely weak now.

“...’cause she’s not- she doesn’t fit,” he says. “There’s no room for her.”

Tooru’s heart probably couldn’t be beating any harder. He exhales and is kind of shocked by how shaky it sounds.

“...Iwa-chan-”

Hajime is fiddling with his spoon, picking it up and putting it down again before he starts nudging it with his finger.

“Your stuff’s everywhere,” he says, and Tooru forgets how to breathe. “In my room, in my free time, in my head, in- well. My future, or something. In my home.”

He laughs a little, strained. “Hell - half of my home is your house, anyway. I’ve got two moms, two dads, an older sister who can’t cook- and you.”

Tooru might be crying.

“I’m not stupid, you know?” Hajime continues, eyes still fixed on his spoon. “I see you. And… I honestly thought you’d have done something about it by now. You’re- you’re always following me around, always looking at me. You’d think you’d have noticed that I’ve been looking at you, too.”

Tooru sniffs, and it’s loud and kind of gross. He wipes his face with his sleeve, and his voice is so tiny when he says: “...y-you’re always so nice to everyone. S-someone was b-bound to take you away.”

Hajime actually snorts at that, and Tooru is so startled that he meets his gaze. And once their eyes lock, he can’t look away.

“Take me away? Please. Where would I even go.”

Tooru shrugs, feeling his lip tremble. “I don’t know. To- to someone who’ll make you smile all the time.”

He’s trying not to be bitter, but he knows it’s dripping through.

Hajime tilts his head, just a tiny bit, and his face relaxes into something… gentle.

“...’ve already got someone like that,” he says.

“Y-you… you always hit me, and you never sm-”

“Yeah, ‘cause you’d get really full of yourself if I kissed you, wouldn’t you?”

Tooru has never blushed so hard or so fast in his life. “W-what?!”

Hajime has the gall to _shrug_ , like he hasn’t just turned their entire world upside down.

“...and I don’t know if you’d want that,” he says. Tooru’s eyes widen - and Hajime’s hands are definitely trembling a little now. “I know- I mean. I think I know that you- that you like me. A lot. Just- it might be different, what- what we want.”

Tooru is still beet-red, and there’s tears and snot all over his face, but _really_ -

“I w-want you to kiss me,” he says, and he’s never been so nervous.

And god, Hajime is smiling again, tiny and honest and so, so _happy_. How do people deal with having something that bright directed at them for more than half a second?

“...really?”

Tooru bites his lip, fighting back more tears. “Yeah.”

Their gazes meet, and they both avert their eyes, only for them to dart right back.

“...okay,” Hajime says.

_Okay._

Hajime pushes his chair back and gets to his feet. Tooru stares, a little slow at the moment, until Hajime holds out his hand.

“Let’s go home.”

Tooru is probably a little too eager as he slides their palms together before Hajime can change his mind. It’s the easiest thing, to leave his half-finished ice cream behind and let himself be pulled to his feet.

They stand for a moment, facing each other, motionless, before Hajime tugs lightly on Tooru’s fingers and starts walking.

And Tooru follows, paying no attention to their surroundings as he focuses only on the feeling of Hajime’s hand in his, rough and warm and _right_.

The late afternoon sun is warm, but not suffocatingly so, and Tooru welcomes the orange glow that makes Hajime look like he’s something ethereal, strong and reliable and _breathtaking._

As if he can sense Tooru’s gaze, Hajime turns his head and looks at him, and Tooru’s world stops.

“Iwa-chan,” he whispers, and oh, there’s tears again. _Is this real?_

They’ve stopped walking. Hajime lets out a tiny chuckle, but his eyes are wet, too.

“...we’re pretty stupid, huh?”

Tooru sniffs noisily, managing to nod.

“The s-stupidest,” he breathes.

Hajime lifts his hand, hesitating ever so slightly before he gives Tooru’s arm a light punch. Tooru watches him, confused and transfixed, as Hajime lowers his hand over the spot, allowing his fingers to linger there, to brush over the fabric of his uniform, sending goosebumps up his arm.

“Can I…?” he asks, and he sounds just as breathless as Tooru feels.

Tooru gives him the slightest of nods. He steps closer, and leans in until their foreheads touch and he has to close his eyes, and his own racing heartbeat is the loudest thing in his head.

He feels Hajime’s breath ghost across his lips and can’t help but shiver.

“...are you sure?”

Tooru laughs - or at least he tries, but he’s got no air left in his lungs.

“... _please_ -”

He feels like he’s going to burst if this takes any longer, and just as he’s about to either pull back or surge forward, there’s a warm, soft pressure on his lips.

It’s gone too quickly, feather-light and tentative, and Tooru can’t help the tiny whine that lodges itself in his throat at the loss of contact. He hears Hajime laugh softly, but when Tooru moves to chase his lips, he’s pulling back.

Confused, Tooru opens his eyes - and his heart is in his throat, because Hajime’s got his hand pressed over his mouth, eyes filled with disbelief and wonder and _oh_ , Tooru recognizes the painful, soul-crushing hope-

“H-Hajime,” he says, and Hajime’s breath hitches. “Is- are we okay?”

There’s a terrible, terrible second where neither of them seems able to move, and then-

“I love you.”

Tooru’s eyes go wide, and even Hajime seems kind of shocked, but he finds his voice again, and slowly lowers his hand away from his face.

“I love you,” he says again, and it feels like a promise. “Oikawa- Tooru, I love you.”

A sob escapes Tooru’s lips, and that’s all it takes.

They slam into each other, fingers twisting into fabric as Tooru buries his face in Hajime’s shoulder, letting the tears fall, because oh, _oh,_ this is what it feels like to be complete.

~

Tooru quickly realizes that there are a lot of things he didn’t know about Hajime - and some things that he got wrong.

Yeah, he’s sort of incredible - and probably really too nice for his own good.

But the brutish side of him, that Tooru used to poke fun at from time to time (all the time) - well. It’s still there, but it’s different now.

Hajime will still punch him if he’s being an idiot (which, objectively, isn’t really fair because Hajime has a very particular sense of what _being an idiot_ means), but he’ll let his hands linger now, and more often than not the touch turns into something soft, like an apology, a reassurance. (...like what Tooru’s always wanted.) And those soft smiles - maybe they never had anything to do with Hajime being proud of his punches.

Honestly, in a lot of ways Hajime feels like what Tooru’s always needed - which is kind of strange, because he’s always been there, and he’s always been giving, too, even if Tooru didn’t realize it.

There were probably signs, too, and Tooru spends more time than he will admit with thinking about them, about the past, about what he must have missed.

Hajime says he’s being stupid, because of course he can tell. He doesn’t punch him, though. He just smiles, and Tooru’s heart swells.

Maybe the past doesn’t matter all that much.

Especially because now, Tooru can see Hajime’s smile as often as he wants.

And he can kiss him, too.

~

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please do tell me what you thought. ( ~~Was it a little too much...? xD~~ )  
> Find me on [tumblr](http://frenchibi.tumblr.com), I'm always happy to chat (though I'm sort of on hiatus till mid-march bc I'm supposed to be working on my thesis).
> 
> ...it's 2:30am, there's a huge storm outside, and I'm feeling kind of emotional?? So have a quick shoutout right here to the people who make it possible for me to keep writing fics no matter what;  
> to CJ, who is inspiring and supportive and a bad influence ^^ (...also we both really hate titles ok),  
> to Jasper, who is brave and admirable and fun (and whose determination and positivity is infectious),  
> to Rikka, whose fics remind me why I love writing and that I really want to get better, (and who listens, and struggles, and cares)  
> and to my best friend, ~~who is the Best, through everything, no matter what~~.


End file.
